Sorry to be blunt
But you’re not a perfect wife
You’re not a perfect mom
You’re children are not perfect little angels
All the time
You’re not Supermom.
And guess what?
I’m not either.
And that’s okay.
Because the fact of the matter is
That no matter how much others
Would like us to believe that this
“Supermom” exists
She simply doesn’t.
Nobody has their lives together enough to earn the title
At least, not in the way we sometimes think.
We all know that girl on Social Media:
The one who has the perfect children
The one who always has her hair fixed
And is always wearing makeup
Whose kids are always dressed
With hair combed and no peanut butter on their faces
And whose house is always spotless
And who doesn’t have a care in the world
And just loves being a mother
Every second of every day
And could never picture her life without
Her perfect husband and her perfect children.
This girl makes me want to barf.
And sadly, I’ve probably been this girl at times
At least, I may create the illusion of being this girl.
Here’s the thing about me
I genuinely like most people in person
But I hate a lot of those same people on Social Media.
Why?
Because Social Media shows the wonderful 10%
Of people’s lives
Rather than the 80% of normal or mediocre
Or the 10% of totally and completely miserable.
And I don’t know about you
But when my family has been puking for a week straight
Or we have water leaking through our kitchen ceiling
Or my husband is struggling to find a new job
Or I’m kicking and screaming my way through a 12-credit semester
Or I’m just so gosh-darn exhausted
That I can’t even think about getting out of bed,
Let alone get dressed,
Put on makeup,
and clean the freaking house…
When I’m going through my own set of issues
The last thing I want to see is how
Susie in Utah
Has an absolutely perfect life.
What others don’t know
(but what Susie definitely knows)
Is that, despite what Susie says,
She is far from “Supermom”
(I feel the need to point out that
“Susie from Utah”
is just an example.
I’m not thinking of a specific person.
So get your panties out of a wad.)
Because no mother in the entire world…
1) Never feels overwhelmed
2) Never wonders if she is fit to be a mother
3) Has a spotless house ALL the time
(This might not be fair.
I’ve known some major neat freaks
that probably DO keep their houses clean
ALL the time.
But they’ve got other problems that I don’t have.)
4) Never thinks back to a time before kids with fondness
(Because mothering is hard.
Period.)
No mother is perfect.
And no mother is without struggles.
Maybe you don’t struggle with getting ready each day
slapping on some makeup
and curling those hurrs.
Maybe you enjoy doing that.
I don’t.
But that doesn’t mean that you’re less of a hot mess than I am.
Maybe your “I just had a baby” pictures
Are classy and elegant
And you’ve got your makeup perfectly done
And not a hair is out of place
(Oh, and you’re face isn’t all swollen)
But I’m not that girl.
And, really, this is one area in which I don’t want to be that girl.
I’ve seen countless pictures of new mommas
In the hospital with their new little babes
And my reaction to some is,
“Well, she looks great,
But she doesn’t look like she just had a baby.”
I think this is the reaction some are looking for.
This is not the reaction I look for.
My “after baby” pictures
Had better reflect what I went through
To get those babies here.
After my first,
I looked like I’d been hit by a bus
At first I was ashamed at how I looked
I compared myself to all of those “pretty” moms
Who looked so awesome in their pictures.
Now, I’m so glad I didn’t try to make myself look good.
Each time I look at those pictures
I am reminded of what I had to do
To get that little (but really, not-so-little)
Baby into this world
And it makes me appreciate her so much more.
Case in Point:
But I’m rambling now
(surprise, surprise).
So this perfect Supermom
Who has perfect hair
A perfect body
Loves working out every single morning
Always eats healthy
Never yells at her kids
Keeps her house constantly clean
Makes super amazing gourmet meals
Has perfectly behaved kids
(Who are always wearing stylish clothes
And who always have clean faces
Clipped fingernails
And fixed hair)
Who just loves every single second of her perfect life…
She’s nothing more than a figment of all of our imaginations.
So let’s paint a more realistic picture here.
I love my kids.
I adore them.
90% of the time
I’m so incredibly grateful to have them here.
But 10% of the time
I don’t like being a mom
I’m exhausted
I’m frustrated
I think I’m a horrible mom.
There are many days
When I am in my pajamas until 3pm
(Guess what I’m wearing as I type this?
You guessed it – pajamas.)
And even when I do shower
If it’s not Sunday or Date Night
I’m sure as heck not going to put on makeup
Because I like being able to rub my eyes
Without smudging my mascara
And I know I’m going to be
Way too tired
To want to take off my makeup before bed.
And guess what?
It’s ALL okay!
Here is who I see as Supermom…
The mom who holds back her yell when her child spills their milk for the THIRD TIME in ten minutes.
The mom who neglects doing the dishes because her kids want to read books.
The mom who forces her kids to go play outside because she needs some peace and quiet.
The mom who locks herself in the bathroom to eat her breakfast because she just can’t handle the thought of sharing ONE MORE THING with her kids.
The moms who have easy, moderate, or difficult labors. Who choose to medicate or not medicate. Who have their babies in the hospital, at home, or at a birthing center. Who have a vaginal birth, a C-section, or a VBAC.
The moms who wake up every morning wondering how they are going to face the demands of motherhood, but get out of bed anyway because they love their children.
The moms who are completely lost in knowing how to raise their kids, but love them with ALL of their heart.
The moms who sneak into their kids room at night for a peek at their little ones and are reminded of just why being a mom is so incredibly amazing.
The moms who struggle with infertility. Who don’t give up on their dreams of becoming a mother – either to their own children (biologically or through adoption) or to the many other children they will encounter in their lives.
The moms who uplift and support other moms around them. Who cry with fellow moms when the times get tough. Who laugh and celebrate with fellow moms when the times are awesome.
The moms who put their needs aside EVERY DAY because they know that they have been blessed with the most sacred calling ever – to care for these special little humans given to us.
These are those that I include in my list of Supermoms.
It’s not an exhaustive list
But I think it covers a lot of bases.
(In case you didn’t notice,
I’m pretty sure EVERY mom fits into at least ONE
of these categories.)
So, I take it back.
Maybe you are Supermom after all
And so am I.
’til next time,
Ash
