Folks.
It has been a weird last few weeks.
Which is saying something considering the weirdness of the last year.
On June 8th, we finally got approval to move to Korea with my husband.
And since then it’s been pretty confusing. With people telling us that Brandon needed to get amended orders before we could start getting things moving, and then others telling us that there won’t be any new orders made, and then multiple people telling us that we didn’t need the orders to get stuff started…
Which all led me to going into the Official Travel office (where I schedule our flights to South Korea) today, as well as the Household Goods office (where I schedule movers). I went first thing in the morning only to find out that 1) Official Travel won’t schedule anything because it has to be done on Brandon’s end (which is the first we are hearing this) and 2) Household Goods can’t schedule movers because they need new amended orders to do so.
Neat.
Of course, we’d been told that there won’t be new orders.
Maybe this wouldn’t have seemed like a big deal. But if you read my lengthy post from last week, you may be able to see why getting told AGAIN that there was another form needed or that someone else was responsible for stuff or blah, blah, blah… felt a little overwhelming.
So to say I had a meltdown would be an understatement. And it wasn’t just me. Brandon admits to ugly-crying too when I called him with the news. Thankfully, I had enough sense to text my friend, Sarena, in my time of turmoil. She graciously let me and my kids come over while our kids played and I cried to her for an hour and a half. I don’t know if words can describe the support that woman has given me these past five months. She has been there whenever I’ve needed someone to vent to. She’s held the space for me to feel really big, uncomfortable emotions, and then has been there to help pick me back up and remind me that it all works out when I’m ready to hear it.
Today she reminded me to “lean not unto [my] own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5). Because I didn’t understand this morning. I didn’t see a way out of this mess. I didn’t understand HOW we were supposed to get anything done when we were being told different things from everybody and nobody seemed to want to take any accountability and just do what needed to be done.
But someone did/does understand it all. And honestly, it’s someone that is far better at directing my life than I am.
But I’ve had an interesting relationship with God these days. If I’m being honest, I’ve felt more anger toward Him than I think I ever have before. And thankfully I have amazing friends who have reminded me that it’s okay to be angry with God because He can handle it. And He probably even expects it. Because this has been hard. I don’t really know if I am eloquent enough or a talented enough writer to really communicate just how hard this has been.
Today I felt like I reached a breaking point. I felt that I had reached my limit. After spending almost a year with this Korea-nonsense in the forefront of my mind, I was finished. I was ready to throw in the towel and just say “screw this!” and have my husband finish out his assignment (which has conveniently now been extended to two years since we got approval to join him).
All of this I expressed to Sarena. And she sat there and let me rant and rave and swear and I didn’t feel judged. As Jody Moore would put it – I was an angry tiger in a cage and Sarena was holding that cage while I raged.
Because I honestly didn’t know how much more I could take.
And so I texted my MOPS group. (And fellow moms – if you haven’t found a MOPS group near you, do it. I cannot think of a more amazing group of women than those women I was so blessed to know through MOPS. The love these women have for Christ is amazing.) I asked them for prayers. I asked them to pray for my husband to be able to connect with those who can help us figure out this mess. And they followed through. And I prayed for that too. And my husband prayed for it too.
And God answered.
He. Answered.
Brandon went to exercise with his Company when he woke up (Thursday morning for him). He was talking to another soldier and randomly found out that not long ago, his family had been in the same situation we are. Most people move to South Korea at the same time as their wife and kids and this was the first person (besides us) that we had heard of doing it the way we have had to.
The soldier told my husband, “It was basically months of me banging my head against the wall wondering why we couldn’t get anything done and how this is all so complicated.”
Um. That’s EXACTLY where we have been.
He then told Brandon that it wasn’t until he met Ms. Lee (name changed partially because I can’t actually remember her name and also for privacy) that things started to fall into place.
And so Brandon went and spoke with Ms. Lee.
Within 2 hours we had hard, physical amended orders AND a tentative moving date.
He just had to talk to the right person. And to do that, he just needed to find the right person. And to do that he just needed someone to tell him where to look.
I don’t know how much time this soldier saved us. I don’t know how much of a headache it would have been if he hadn’t said anything. Maybe Brandon would have gone into the Travel Office and he would have figured it out on his own. Maybe we would be in the same situation as we are now. I don’t know.
But what I do know is that I don’t believe in coincidences. And the timing of this reminded me of something: God has got it covered. He knows what my limits are. And He might just push me to those limits. And then He will even push me PAST those limits, and send help and strength for me to get through that.
I was talking to another bestie of mine (shout out to Laina who will likely never see this!) and she was giving me a pep-talk. And all I could think of as she was hyping me up to face all the scary things we have to face were Elder Holland’s words from April 2020 General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:
“No matter what challenge you are currently facing, remember: ‘I did not come this far only to come this far.'”
And here we are, hard orders in hand, with a tentative moving date. And I feel at peace, for now.
Of course I know the coming months are going to be filled with stress. Moving is stressful. Having people pack your stuff is stressful (contrary to what non-military folk tend to think, it’s not all sitting around sipping pina coladas while people pack up your belongings). Moving to another country is going to be STRESSFUL.
But we are moving in the right direction. And that, my friends feels so so SO good.
’til next time…
Ash